i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
