pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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