I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
