Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
