4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
