Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
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the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
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She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea