before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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