Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name