So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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