kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
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