My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
