U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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