After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize