why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
