the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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