i would punch a child for taco bell
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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