I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
