he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
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we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
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Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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