He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
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it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
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You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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