youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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