I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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