Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
