So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
