It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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