cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.