Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex