Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight