Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
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So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
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you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag