I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
