If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
