dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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