Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
