There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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