Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
