he told me I talked like a deaf person
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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