i already hear my dad disowning me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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