what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
