can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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