I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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