Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
