for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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