Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
