you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
