I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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