Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I would fuck him just for his dog
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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