My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
