if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize