I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
is wine microwaveable?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
