i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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