I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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