kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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