I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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