I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
