he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
