Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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