I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
