things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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