he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
