i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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