Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
