I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
