I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
