She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
