if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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