You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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