I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
