Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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