I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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