I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize