i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
