Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
