There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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