please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
