Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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