Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
