New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
