I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
