Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
