i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
