I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
