Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
