there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
